Thursday, 25 June 2015

It's Not a Contest

I discovered a long time ago one thing life has in common with salvation; it is a personal race. Life is not a competition. It's funny how people behave like it is. It's not. I'm talking to people on both sides of the divide. The ones who feel they have achieved more than their peers and carry their shoulders like they are wearing shoulder pads. Then the ones who feel their peers have left them behind and slump their shoulders.

Understand that nobody is in a competition with you. The only person you should strive to beat is yourself. Striving to become a better you is what you should be doing not looking down on yourself or others because you think you are better than others, or that others are better than you.

Life is in stages. Believe it. You may not be where you want to be but one day and as my Pastor would say, "like play, like play", you'd be there. So, people you went to school with have amazing jobs and you are still  struggling to make ends meet. Don't fret, you'd get there. Your mates are married and you are not. My dear, everybody get him own time. Your time go come. Please *insert your case here. Don't worry, your time is coming and when it happens, it would make up for the delay. You best believe that!

Ehen, the one that is carrying shoulder because you think you have more or have achieved more than others. Kontinu, God is watching you.

Let me leave you with these scriptures.

Ecclesiastes 3:11a-   He hath made every thing beautiful in his time. KJV

Ecclesiastes 9:4-  For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion. KJV

Galatians 6:4-  Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to
compare yourself to anyone else. NLT


Wednesday, 17 June 2015

You CAN Say No!

No is a two-letter word. It's simple enough. I don't know why we find it so difficult to say, sometimes. It's like we don't understand that we can say no, and heaven won't fall. Nobody will kill us. Reminds of that MTN commercial. The one where the girl asked the guy, "what part of no do you not understand? The N or the O? Haha, now that's a girl who can say no.

So, it's like this. Someone asks you for a favour and you say 'okay', when you know that you won't or you can't, for whatever reason. Why?

Someone tells you about his wedding and you ask for asoebi. In fact, you go a step further and ask that the person takes it to your Tailor for you since, you are in a different state. Wedding pass, you nor come. You nor call to explain. Asoebi, you nor pay for. Ahn ahn! Funny thing is, you asked for asoebi o, and said you will come. Why bother? Why not just say, 'ma bi nu, I can't come'. Heaven will not fall, nobody will kill you.

That brings me to this wedding RSVP thing. Why is it that in Nigeria people don't practice it. Do we even know what it is? When I was younger, we used to call it ,'rice and beans very plenty'. Don't ask me which of the words the S represents :-). Courtesy demands that if you are invited for a wedding or any other occasion, you tell them whether you are coming or not. To say the least, it is rude to just be silent, not turn up or pretend you did not get an invitation. Just rude!

Ehen, back to the 'no' issue. Please let's learn how to say no. Abi wetin una want me to talk? Let's learn it now, and practice it, since it seems like a hard thing. It would go a long way in saving us and others a lot of wahala.

Have a great weekend dears. Shalom.

Monday, 15 June 2015

It's Not Only Respect that's Reciprocal

I'm sure you've heard the saying, 'respect is reciprocal'. You hadn't? Well, you just did. However, I'm not here to talk about respect.

So, I've discovered it isn't only respect that's reciprocal. Love is. As you may well know unrequited love is hopeless. The lyrics of a particular song come to mind.
      Oh how I love Jesus(3ce)
       Because He first loved me

You see, as powerful and selfless God's love for us is, it isn't totally unrequited. I speak for myself. I definitely love Him back.

Let's also look at trust. Trust. Should it and can it be one-sided? My answer is no. If you don't trust me, how do I trust you? 'Ko poss na'.

And this brings me to what I really want to talk about today. Openness, alias sharing. My people, this is also reciprocal. It's like trust. If for whatever reason you do not think you can be open or share with me, now you should not be surprised that I reciprocate your lack of sharing, should you?

See, I understand that we are all different and handle issues differently but hey, it's like I said; openness is reciprocal. We should understand what we do when we play the privacy cum secrecy card. Asides locking out people who genuinely care about you, you hurt the friendship/relationship. What's a relationship without openness?

There have been times when I've wanted to share my challenges with someone close either because I wanted to get some nuggets of wisdom or because I just needed to unburden my heart. You know, just talk with someone that cared. But I couldn't. They had locked me out. They did not want to share their issues with me and so, I couldn't share mine with them. That's not a good place to be in a relationship.

So, the next time you want to go all private with someone close, remember that you may be stopping them from unburdening their heart. Also, remember that you are not the only one with challenges. Think outside the box of self. Think about what the absence of openness and sharing in the relationship does to the other person.


Monday, 1 June 2015

Why the Cloak of Secrecy, Fear and Superstition Surrounding Pregnancy in Nigeria?

Hey guys, I think I'm back for good. Sorry about the long hiatus. So, my heading is something I have wondered about for some time. There's so much superstition surrounding pregnancy and childbirth, giving birth( pun intended) to so many ridiculous beliefs and practices. You'll hear things like: " Don't tell someone you're pregnant. Wait till you start showing", "You shouldn't tell someone you are pregnant over the phone" and so on.

Recently, a neighbour told me about this ridiculous practice of wearing a safety pin at all times when you are pregnant. Another neighbour only goes to the market in the morning or evening when she's pregnant. Never in the afternoon. Really!?

Obviously, even your friends should not be trusted with the news that you are pregnant. They should only find out when the baby is born. What? You want to tell who your due date? Don't try it. Haha.

I didn't even know how serious this thing was until I ran into a former roommate. She was now married and heavily pregnant. While we were catching up, she complained about how her dress was tight for her, and I asked if she didn't just get it. She replied that she could buy a dress one week and it would be tight the following week. Curious, I innocently asked, "how far along are you?" To which she replied, "I don't know o". Hian! I didn't quickly understand that  she didn't want to say. Besides, I was shocked and my next question showed it. "How can you not know?" I asked, and she went "Errm.........yadayadayada". Let's just say I finally got the gist.

I kept wondering what danger I could possibly pose to her unborn child. Why so much fear? Why the distrust? That's how this particular childhood friend had a baby and couldn't be bothered to tell me. We were in contact o, chatting on bbm and  Facebook but not once did she bring up the impending delivery. Funny thing is she told me when she was pregnant the first time. Her telling me did not cost her that pregnancy. What changed? Was I angry? Of course not. Was I hurt? Yes. But I shook it off and was happy for her. Babies bring joy, not even secrecy could change that.

So, anybody got answers? Why all the fear, weirdness and superstition surrounding pregnancy?

Thursday, 22 January 2015

How You Doing Guys?

Hey guys, been a while huh? First, let me say a very happy new year to you. How I have missed you guys. Trust me, I am not AWOL by choice. Anyways, I'm so glad we can catch up. So what's been up with you? Anything exciting? Me? Not so much, but
I did get married and relocated to another city :-D.

My dears, it's not been easy o. Especially since I'm back on the favour market. Things we do for marriage. I gotta tell you though, marriage is amazing. But it's also real life, so do the math.

Gotta go now. Will be back for my first real post of the year. Kisses.

Thursday, 23 October 2014

So, Only One Person Holds A Friendship Together?

Over the years I have stopped being friends with a number of people. Male and female. That is a topic for another day. Today, I want to talk about the notion expressed in my title. I have heard people say that “it is one person that holds a friendship”, over and over. I find it really hard to accept this. And if it is true, why so? There are two persons involved in the friendship, why would it be one person holding it together? I've had this saying thrown at me a few times, suggesting that I am the one holding my friendship with the other person.

 I am not very good with maintaining contact, keeping in touch and stuff, but I try. I don’t do a lot of calling, texting, chatting. I am more of a visiting person. So, when the person lives faraway and/or one of us is very busy, and visiting is almost impossible, the friendship may suffer. Personally, the absence of calls…. etc, does not affect my friendship with a person. I think I make up for them when I visit. However, when I am the only person visiting and calling, it makes me feel like I am putting in all the effort. Hearing “you are the one holding the friendship” does not make it better. It just makes me think “maybe the friendship is tired” and “oh well, maybe it’s time to move on. I hate to feel like this about a friend that I care about but when a relationship becomes lopsided….*shrug*.

Bottom line is if a relationship is important to a person, they do their best to keep it, nurture it. I’m not buying the “it is one person that holds a friendship” thing.  I would really hate to be the person putting in all the effort in a relationship. I may just get tired and let it go.

So, what say ye? Is it really one person that holds a friendship together?

Monday, 20 October 2014

Asoebi for Sale

I know, I know. It’s been ages, and I have missed you too. Like crazy! Pele, sorry, ema bi nu, ndo……..I am ashamed of myself. What kind of blogger am I sef? Anyways, I’ve missed blogging and I’m glad to be back. I pray I don’t go AWOL again J.
Hmmm, I have plenty to share with you guys o. Plenty things I want to talk about. So, I am planning a wedding. Yep, I am getting married. Wedding planning nor be joke o. That aside, the first thing I want to talk about is Asoebi. Some people would tell you your wedding planning is not complete without Asoebi. Well, I think Asoebi is nice. It adds colour to an occasion. However, I did not intend to have it for my wedding o, but friends and family managed to convince me otherwise. Now I have gone and bought fabric for a select few. The others would have to go with the colour code.

Why did I not consider it initially? It is stressful. You have to go shop for fabric, look for people to buy, ‘drag’ money …...I don’t have that kind of energy biko.  Also, money that could have been used to do something else is tied up. Sometimes, until after the wedding…….or forever. Some people may never pay up.

However, I just found out something else about Asoebi. It is actually a way to raise money. Imagine my shock when I found out how much gain someone made from selling Asoebi. Some people actually rip their friends and family off in the name of selling Asoebi. Not cool. I wonder how many ‘Asoebi wearers’ know this. I was talking with another person and he said most ‘Asoebi wearers’ are aware, and that they see it as their  contribution to the wedding. This is why some of them don’t bother to get a gift.
Personally, I feel some kind of way about someone inviting me to their wedding and ripping me off o. I know some people give out the Asoebi for free though. But most times you can’t use them after one wash. Same goes for some that did not even come free of charge.

What say you then? Did you know about gaining from Aso
me and my friend Hope in asoebi 
ebi? Is it okay? Please share your thoughts. I would love to hear them. Lerra.