Virginity and Rape

While going through the papers today I came across this headline in The Nation - 'Osun monarch's application stalls judgement in rape case'. Now for those who did not hear when the story broke, the Alowa of Ilowa in Obokun LGA in Osun state, Oba Adebukola Alli was accused of raping a Corps Member in his palace.

Judgement was supposed to be given in the matter on June 4 but the Accused's Lawyer said they were seeking for extension of time to ask the Plaintiff two questions, one of which was 'Was she a virgin when the rape occurred?'. Seriously? I am wondering what the purpose of this particular question is. Since when did it matter if the person raped was a virgin. If the Accused was found guilty, would his sentenced be reduced if she was not a virgin? Gosh! I'm trying to leave sentiments out but the way some people view rape is just outrageous.

  I watched an episode of The Amazons, a talk show hosted by Bimbo Akintola the other day and the things I was hearing. Like a Judge or was it the Police saying that if a lady goes to see a man and she took off her shoes before maybe flopping or sitting on the bed, it was consent. How does removing my shoes when I go to see a male friend mean consent to have sex with him?

Well, I won't talk too much. I'd just wait and see the outcome of that trial. Meanwhile, I pray for God's strength and comfort for the young woman who has been raped and has to go through the additional trauma of a trial. It can't be easy. Judgement would now be given on July 2nd, 2013.

I Wan Port O!

To port or not to port. MTN has put me in this dilemma. If only MTN was not Mtn. If only they did not give with one hand and collect with the other hand. So right now MTN network in Port-Harcourt is crappy. Their Customer Care Officer confirmed it. They were facing challenges in Port-Harcourt, Uyo, ..........., she said. Am I surprised?

All these years I have born all the issues that come with using MTN as a service provider, praying that one day ' e go better '. I would have changed service providers but I kept thinking ' most of the numbers on my contact are MTN, besides everyone has this MTN number '. I did not want to go through the process of changing my line after all these years. So you can imagine my happiness when I learnt of the Number Portability thingy. I could actually leave MTN for good without changing my number!

So, what service provider am I considering porting to? Glo. I have Etisalat and Airtel lines and I hear Glo is great with Blackberry(which MTN clearly isn't). But, would I be able to port back if I encounter any problems with Glo or if it turns out not to be as great as they say it is? Oh I get it, it can't be that bad that I would want to go back from whence I came, right? :) Oh dear. To port or not to port. Help me decide. Somebody, anybody.

'Mama, Mama, Na Boy!'

I'm sure a lot of us remember the MTN Commercial where the title of my post was used. We also know that it was banned....for obvious reasons. It promoted the notion that one gender was better than the other. Thank God today a lot of people know better. However, there is still an alarming number of people who do not. For goodness sake, a girl child is just as precious as a boy child!

Recently, I was speaking with a senior colleague and he said something that struck me as outrageous. His wife is currently expecting and he says he wants a boy, not a girl, even though he already has two boys. Why? I ask. His reply? 'What would I do with a girl?'. I could not believe he said that. In fact, my jaw is still on the floor. Really? He married a girl. A girl became a woman and gave birth to him, no? If someone as educated as he is thinks this way, I wonder what to expect from the 'uneducated ones'. But wisdom was never thought in school, was it?

My Uncle's young wife keeps pushing out children every few years because she wants a boy. Five girls and probably counting.

Men go as far as treating their wives terribly or just marrying another one because the women did not have any male children. Like it's their fault! If you gave her the Y chromosome she would give you a boy!

Gender inequality should stop. Girl children are not second-class citizens. Enough said.

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt", the saying goes. While that is true, only to some extent, words have been known to do great damage. Although, I have repeated this saying, I know from experience that words may not break your bones, but they could break you or kill. They are capable of killing dreams.

Growing up I got a lot of comments from people who thought I was too quiet. They also knew I wanted to be a Lawyer. "How will you speak in court", they would ask. Like I had problems with speech. I did not! I just did not talk a lot. I got that all the time. Some would even laugh. They went on about how I would not be able to speak in court. And you know that if you hear something long enough, you start believing it, right? Especially, as a child. But I knew that I could do it. Law and Justice is something I was passionate about, still am. I knew being quiet would not stop me from speaking up for my client when I needed to. Today, I am a Lawyer. I speak in court and I wonder, "what on earth were they talking about?"

As a child, even into my teenage years, I got a lot of snide remarks. "You are too slow", they would say. Even my own Parents joined. Hearing that all the time affected me negatively, a lot. The more they said it, the more clumsy and sluggish I became. I believed them. I was too slow. I was born that way. As I write this, the hurtful memories come rushing back. I struggled a lot with this as a child. However, as I grew older, I told myself I was going to stop being affected so much by what I heard. So when I heard them with one ear, it passed out through the other ear. I no longer let it stick. Soon, I stopped believing that I was sluggish. It was just my gentle nature showing. I accepted my self for who I was. If anyone could not accept me, I did not need them. I think I even started to say back to anyone that said I was slow, " I am not slow ".

People can be so mean but a lot of times they do not know the damage that words can cause. Once, a classmate in secondary school laughed at me for having thin legs. It crushed me. I did not know I had thin legs. She made me see that :). And in my third year in the University, my one time best friend calls me 5 naira yam leg =D. I did not need any other person to tell I had thin legs. Till date, I hardly wear tights. Infact, I just started to. For years I admired girls in tights, but I didn't dare wear them. I had thin legs. Once I read about a girl who had a surgery to make her legs fatter :). Did I consider surgery? :). It's not like I could even afford it! Well, thin legs or not, they're mine and I love them.

You do not poke fun at a person for something they have no control over. You do not call someone names for whatever reason. I know how much words hurt, so I try not to do to others what was done to me. WORDS CAN KILL. If you do not get any other thing, please get that. God bless you. 

Hair Again!

Hey guys! If you read my last post then you know how I was ranting about not knowing any Naturals in Port-Harcourt. I also said that I could not find products for my natural hair. Well, I still have not found any Naturals. However, I have been able to locate some products for my hair. Yay! Yes o. So, on my birthday, which was last friday, I walked into a supermarket, straight to the groceries section and then asked a sales person I saw if they had coconut oil. She pointed up and right in front of me were bottles and bottles of coconut oil. I literally jumped in glee. I was so happy. Finally! I quickly grabbed two bottles.

I also got a bottle of Extra-virgin olive oil, hair conditioner and shampoo, or so I thought. It turns out I grabbed the wrong bottle because the next day I discovered what I thought was shampoo was some kinda leave-in conditioner, which was a good thing because I wanted a leave-in but I didn't know I already had one. And my dear Dudu Osun would come in handy as a shampoo :).

However, there's a catch to all this. It turns out I do not trust the quality of the coconut oil I bought. I have read that one way to know a good one is by the smell. It should smell like coconut. The last one I used smelt delicious ,just like coconut. A friend gave me some of hers. Well, mine was odourless. I also read that Extra virgin coconut oil was the best quality but mine just said 'pure coconut oil'. That mine is odourless could only mean one thing;it's been overly refined. Which makes it of a lesser quality than the extra virgin type. In my excitement, I had grabbed two bottles, now I'm not so pleased about them. I guess I'd be more ......careful to look for things like that next time?

In another news, I got my kinky twists in, myself! Sinceeee, the hair don dey old sef. Visit www.scarletxianne.wordpress.com for picture(s). Lera.....

Would the Port-Harcourt Naturals Please, Stand Up?

Na wa o! I have been on my natural hair journey for a few years. In 2010, I got geri curls. In 2011, after switching to normal relaxer, I decided I wanted my natural hair back. So, I started to transition. That led me to December 2012, where I cut off the relaxed part of my hair. I just tire for transitioning hair bo :).

Although, natural hair comes with a few challenges, I love my hair. Now, I can't imagine it any other way than natural. Ignorant stylists ask me why. I tell them I love natural hair. They just can not understand it. Right now, I've got yarn braids on. However, after what I faced getting them done, it'll be a while before I visit the salon for anything again! Nigerian stylists are clueless with natural hair. Chai! When I take off my yarn braids, I'd have my kinky twists done, myself! Which brings me to my heading. Are there any Port-Harcourt naturals, other than me at all? It'll be nice to know. We could have a meet-up, talk about ways to help ourselves. Being a natural in PH is not a joke. I've been scouring the streets of PH looking for natural hair products. No way! Coconut oil, mba! Knowing fully well that having a product delivered from Abuja or Lagos will cost more than the product itself, how do get my products?

So please, if you are or know a natural in PH, holla. If you also know where or how I could get natural products from PH or outside, cheaply biko, I'd be happy to hear from you.

In the mean time, I'm enjoying my God-given, naturally beautiful hair :).

Just Saying Hi

Hey guys! Been a while, huh? Sorry about that. Nevertheless, you have been on my mind. Been kinda outta service. So, because I miss you guys so, I'm treating you guys to one of my favourite songs. Enjoy! :)

My next post will be soon, I hope :)